It Would Seem So Cool-The Spirit to Press On

My thoughts were kind of “roller-coasting” when I wrote this, but I think any one who has ever dreamed or been so passionate about something can relate.  The pursuit will cause you to contradict yourself on so many levels.  It’s the end result that matters….

This life would seem so cool, if only it weren’t intended for me.

On the outside looking in, it seems rewarding, intellectual, maybe something I could possibly do? It sounds intriguing, exciting, mind blowing. It could be a worthy challenge.

On the outside looking in, it’s just that. Something I can admire, and wish I were, or want to be. Something I can look at and say, “you must be really smart to accomplish that or very dedicated.”

It would seem so cool if only it weren’t for me.

But since it is for me, its all first person perspective. There is no outside looking in. I’m living it or trying to become.

See, to get “there,” requires some work. Didn’t know it would come with so many tears shed, didn’t know that what was destined for me required so much heartache. Didn’t know it would dominate my thoughts or that I’d have sleepless nights.

Right now I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel or that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

A bit cliche, but so true for me.  I know its there, and I know its sweet. Faith allows me to see that.

It would seem so cool if only it weren’t for me

I don’t have to wonder what that walk of life is. I’m experiencing it firsthand. I can’t bypass the walk and run straight to the end where it’s sweet, where it seems so cool.

I can’t bypass the disappointment, the loved ones lost, the ones who prayed over me, that will never see me be that.

No, I can’t bypass any of that.

Maybe, If I could just wonder and vicariously live it out in my mind 24 hours, 365 days, that would be enough to curve my desire.

Or if I could envision myself as something else all together, something easier, something that requires less work and dedication, I’d take that road.

It would seem so cool if it weren’t for me

If I could only shake that calling off or pray to God for a new one, or run away from it in my mind, that would be good enough for me.

If I could window shop it my subconscious my entire life, to where it feels real, to where I don’t have to feel the sorrow of what it takes to get there. Where I don’t have to endure the mental and physical struggle.

If I could just bridge the time gap, fast forward past the trials and tribulation, straight to cool stuff.

But then what kind of person would I be? The story and the walk is what makes me. It’s gives me strength, builds the character.

It would seem so cool, if it only it weren’t for me

The more I try not to think about it, the more it encompasses me, the more my desire to be that increases, the more I take it on as my identity.

If I could live it now, “be that, Lord, right now that you want me to be.”

That passion you put in my heart, the passion that runs deep in my veins, the one I continuously chase after, the one I run from, the one that leaves me defeated at times, the one that gives me so much gratification. The one that causes me to frown and cry, but it’s also the one that makes me smile and laugh..

It’s a love/hate relationship but I desire to love it more.

It’s that passion, I know you’ve given me the tools to become, its my job to take on those obstacles and succeed.

I don’t have to wonder what it is to be, I’m trying to become.

It would seem so cool if it weren’t for me, but through faith, I feel like I already am.

Since it is for me, it’s in my grasp to achieve.



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